A Total Waste? I Think Not.

So anybody who knows me, knows that recently my bff "Cael" ditched me for what he thinks is popularity...and maybe it is...who knows?

Obviously I don't.

Of course nobody who knows me, knows why Cael ditched me. He says that it is because I'm stupid and bothered him while he was talking to his friend, but I know him so much better than that, and even though he isn't that smart and has been more interested in those other girls I have a feeling it's something much bigger than that.

Of course I can't confide this in many people, they would ask what happened and if I told them they would turn and run for the hills to keep from talking to me again or when they do talk to me, it'll be different and I'd be coddled. Of course the reason is making my head hurt and the little voice in my head has been begging me to tell somebody, but I can't just tell any close friend. I'm afraid of what would happen...so I figure I'd tell "Frank" I mean he's my friend and if I told him he wouldn't run for the hills or treat me differently, he'd still joke around with me. I mean if a person bit you on Halloween just for the sake of biting your arm he wouldn't stop talking to me.

Telling him is actually the problem though, I kept telling myself that I would say something to him today after chemistry where he and "Salad" usually talk. Well, I made my way over there after class about to say something like what I say when I think about it and I was about to say something, I had my mouth open and I was actually able to say the words "I need to talk to you about something." but a friend of mine (not a close friend but still somebody that I would rather not overhear my conversation) Kayla was standing there, and I realized I couldn't do it, not with more people than I would rather. So I said I'd talk about it later, I figured I'd say something at lunch but Rose dragged me outside and when I finally went inside Frank wasn't there. I saw Frank right after Lunch though, he was at my locker and he asked what I wanted to say, but I wasn't ready so I said I'd tell him Monday because I wasn't ready yet, he told me that whatever I needed to tell him, I could and he would understand. I have heard that so many times already...but he's the only person I could ever think of telling...he's like a brother to me. A very annoying older brother that I like to bother....but a brother nonetheless.

I know it seems like I didn't do what I should have done but it wasn't all bad I swear!

I have had the biggest crush on Salad for a month now, and just last Monday I told him, leaving our relationship strained because...well we just stopped talking. I walked away after confessing and he said that the information still needed to sink in. So for the longest time we didn't talk, even though we played hockey together on the same team, we didn't talk. I sent him a note and he didn't read it but I couldn't stop crushing on him. This past Monday we talked for a little bit, I mean he did get hit with the hockey stick I had to ask if he was okay. But it was a quick conversation, basically just consisting of:

Me: Are you okay?
him: Yeah.
Me: What happened?
him: You didn't see?
Me: *shakes head no*
him: I got hit with the hockey stick.
Me: Does it still hurt?
him: *nods*
(Then both of us walk in opposite directions)

But hooray for today! For the first time in a few days we actually had a real conversation, where we actually stopped and talked to each other and he did something nice for me! Which kind of sucks though because I know I shouldn't like him, he's a senior and I'm...not (I'm not a freshman though so at least that's a positive) besides, he doesn't like me back...I think. Still though, just when I start to like him less he draws me back in. I know it sounds stupid but unfortunately it's true.

So today wasn't a total waste...Obviously